““You don't have to apply a label to that ever. You never have to come out and say to the world, I'm gay, I'm bi, I'm whatever, you never have to say anything to anyone”
Lisa talks about raising her kids to be accepting and welcoming to all by creating an environment open to exploration.
Chapter 2 | 5 min read
When I had kids, my husband and I, we made a lot of choices together. Before we had kids, he was a bit older than me, so we had some pretty serious life discussions about if we're going to do this, how's it going to be? I'm an atheist. So I wasn't going to bring any sort of organized religion to kids. I wanted them to be raised in a free-loving, giving environment, also known as purely bohemian.
I wanted them to have a strong schooling structure, but a lot of freedom to make choices. And then I wanted them—this is way before anybody talked about these things—I wanted them to have all the same toys and clothes. They could play with or do anything they wanted. You know, I had a girl who wanted trucks, we buy trucks, and my boy loved to play with dolls. And he loved to play dress-up. And that was all great for me. And you know, even my family, my mom was like, What are you doing? You can't do this. And all my kids were wearing overalls and being barefoot and I just thought, let them be.
And we expose them to our friends, told them about this. Oh, Mark loves Sam. A couple of my kids were just like, okay, cool. So they never knew it was even a thing to be. You know, they only heard it from their peers, for others that oh, you know, okay, people are fags, or whatever the terms were over the years. And my kids were always just appalled. Like, what? What do you mean? Why don't you like them? So he's gay. So what? And so you know, just over the years, I've seen it just become less of a thing, mostly. But I've certainly heard stories from people I know who's been bullied, beaten up, hurt. I think on the exterior, we're hearing a lot more good. But I think there's still a lot of bad. Yeah, at least more openly.
“Everyone can just be. And we don't ever have to say, you know, I am a certain thing.”
Lisa
So this is been a part of who I am for my whole life. And so I always raised my children saying, hey, look, you can love who you want. And you don't have to apply a label to that ever. You never have to come out and say to the world, I'm gay, I'm bi, I'm whatever, you never have to say anything to anyone.
I teach graphic design. So I'm surrounded by people who are coming forward and saying, I am gender nonconforming, I use the pronouns they/them. I like men and women I and I am like, this is so refreshing. It's so like, a goal that I've always thought could you really, but never really imagined that it would happen. You know, raise my, my eldest child was 32. So I've been saying this out loud for 30 years, you know, do you who you are love who you love, like who like nobody, it's nobody's business. So when I see people openly and loudly, claiming it, I just say, Good for you. Good for me. You know, it feels so nice to not, I don't want it to be a thing. I don't want it. I mean, my ultimate goal is it's not even a thing that we don't even talk about it. We just, we can just be everyone can just be. And we don't ever have to say, you know, I am a certain thing.
Yeah, at one point, all my kids were in my house, which is rare now because they're 27, 29, 32. So we were all together. And I said I just I need to let you guys know, you know, and I'm very formal announcement of the kind of announcement I tell everyone they don't need to make and they're like, Yeah, okay. We, we know that. Like it was so such a non-thing, which is funny, because in 2018, I was in my office at Texas State and my son called me excitedly called me like, Oh my gosh, Mom, Mom, I need to tell you something is really important. And I was like, Okay, what is it? And he said, I need to tell you, I'm gay. And I'm like, hallelujah. I mean, like for you to say that out loud is amazing. But of course, I knew I've known since you were like five. So he's like, Oh, great. I just want to say it's someone. So that's our family.
See More from Lisa
Chapter 1: Taking the big leap
Lisa shares her journey to find herself in New York City and move on to the next big thing.
Chapter 3: Enlightened in a dark room
Lisa discusses the differences between growing up queer and a more accepting culture today while reflecting back on micro-aggression and homophobia in college.