“You can't be anything else other than who you are. And if you try to change into someone to fit some expectations, it's never going to be who you are. ”
Lisa discusses the differences between growing up queer and a more accepting culture today, while reflecting back on micro-aggression and homophobia in college.
Chapter 3 | 5 min read
I grew up in a family that absolutely did not talk about that. I mean, in my family, those people were called faggots. You know, it's just terrible. And in college, my first professor who I ultimately married, everyone thought he was gay because he was more toward the feminine side, I guess. Not like the strong masculine man type, you know what I mean? So people started to label him in a certain way.
I remember a very specific experience. When I was in college, I was in a photo class, I was in the darkroom, and nobody knew that he and I are seeing each other except one very close friend. It was you know, it had to be top secret. So we're in the darkroom. And the people behind me are talking about him and saying, Oh, yeah, he's gay, for sure. He's gay. And I, I'm kind of chuckling and I reach over and grab my friend's hand in the darkroom and did a little squeeze. And it was like, he's not gay. Or at least he does not like men. He only likes women. And so I thought, at that moment people are judging you no matter what. And they're basing everything on assumptions. So I think in that moment, it really opened it up.
Also being an art school. I suddenly I was like, oh, lots of gay people here. And I had my first incredibly major crush on a girl in college I just the most intense feeling that maybe I've ever felt
I like would break into a sweat and get shaky and I could not speak to her. It was unbelievably intense, and I never spoke up about it. I never told anyone certainly didn't tell her But, of course, she knew I mean, I couldn't even speak. So that's where it really started for me to say I can be a spokesperson for this. And pretty quietly in the beginning, just learning to find my voice with it, especially with opposition from family and people who knew me probably to be a certain way or have certain opinions. I don't think those opinions were ever mine. They were just foisted on me by family, like, this is bad.
“ I don't think those opinions were ever mine. They were just foisted on me by family.”
Lisa
So the more I was with my, to be husband, I mean, we were together 30 years, he had a large circle of gay friends. He lived in New York for years, and I would meet his friends. And I would say, these are the greatest people I've ever known. And still, I didn't understand women who were gay. I just I didn't know who they were, I didn't know what they look like, or sounded like. But there were times when I would certainly have those moments where you meet someone and they're like, whoa, oh, hi, like, you are, you know me. So, yeah, that's just where I started to find my voice.
I get a lot of students now who come to me and they're questioning who they are. And I'm very open and giving with my time, and students know that and I'm very, not judgmental, zero judgment. So you know, so it's mainly those people that I encounter who are saying, I don't know who I am, and I don't know what to tell my family. Here I am in college, and I'm so depressed, I'm scared. And so I tell them that I mean, I first just tell them, it's okay and it's great to be who you are. And you can't be anything else other than who you are. And if you try to change into someone to fit some expectations, it's never going to be who you are. I lived that kind of life when I was young, and it never was, it never fit me. And so that I also tell them, you know, to try and find your people, find your people who don't care who you are, you know, if you. And I think it's easier maybe to do that, when you're an art student, honestly, you're expected to be a little different and strange and dress weird. And so you kind of have this instant acceptance of being different. So I don't encounter as many non-art people who are saying, I don't know who I am. But I would tell them the same thing.
See More from Lisa
Chapter 1: Taking the big leap
Lisa shares her journey to find herself in New York City and move on to the next big thing.
Chapter 2: Open-minds, open hearts
Lisa talks about raising her kids to be accepting and welcoming to all by creating an environment open to exploration.